this love (will be my downfall)
by kanebii
Summary: It has been a long time since they played this game. It makes Hakutaku wonder.


**Pairing:** _HakuHoo or Hakutaku/Hoozuki._

**Disclaimer:** _I own nothing except for this little fic._

**Warning:** _A bit of spoiler, I think._

_Unbetaed._

* * *

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Are we really going to keep this up forever?

That is the question that I always ask myself.

.

Staring at the ceiling, I close my eyes and count the stars as the chill of the night kisses my bare flesh. How many years have passed and how many years more will it take until I can be with you?

I remember seeing you for the first time. It was like looking at my younger self: a wide eyes child, small and fragile and curious about everything (and everything means everything in this Six realm of existence). You used to be so cute and pure heart that I thought I could fall for you.

No, I am certain that I already did.

.

We met on a day when I was lying like this, facing a cloudless sky and the sun shone so brightly it hurt. It was the first day when I fell to the mundane. Heaven wouldn't take me back as Chang'e wanted me to repent for what I had done. Honestly, I didn't recall what I had done to her because of the alcohol but whether it was something really serious? I just couldn't remember (I tried).

And so I was stuck. After wandering around with nothing to do and bored out of my mind, I decided to lay down and rest for a while.

.

The soft sound of the grass rustling caught my attention.

That was when you saw me.

You were a little oni, the horn on your forehead gave away your identity and yet I only saw an innocent child that you were (so pure, so fresh, despite the fact that Hell had laid its mark on you, I was enthralled). Judging from the way you dressed, I took it you were an offering for the God. How come someone so young like you were fated to die? The mere thought of it was nauseous and it left a bitter taste in my mouth.

Cautiously, you approached me. I gestured you to come closer. Being a bold one that you were, you did as I asked.

You were curious about me, wondering what kind of deity I was and small hands reached out to touch me (poking and rubbing and tugging at my tail, you seemed to enjoy playing with my tail a lot). I laughed and told you I was a mythical beast who was temporarily banished from Heaven (the reason was omitted because you didn't need to know). You frowned and said I must have been lonely here. I shook my head, because I had made a new friend.

Upon realizing what I meant, your eyes lit up brighter than the Hokuto Shichisei star on a moonless night.

.

During my stay in the mundane, I gave you my blessing and taught you what you wanted to know while in exchange you kept me company and brought me foods. It wasn't like I couldn't feed myself. I just enjoyed eating with you.

You had an interesting personality for a child. That fearless and vigilant look in your eyes told me that you were a head strong kid who wasn't afraid of anything. The way you spoke to me was disrespectful, as if I was your equal but somehow, I didn't mind. If anything, it made you special because only a few people was given the permission to address me so casually.

I loved seeing your cute face light up with joy. I loved it when you puffed your cheeks like a little squirrel. What I loved the most was when you look at me and it was like I was someone important to you.

.

I really enjoyed our time together. They said time flies when you are having fun. Before I knew it, it was high time I came back to Heaven. Somehow, the idea didn't thrill me as much as I had expected.

You looked so sad it pained me. I didn't leave without a promise to see you again, though it didn't help the pooling sorrow in your dark eyes.

.

It wasn't a coincidence that you stumbled upon me on that summer day. I should have known that Yue Lao had already intertwined our red string of fate ever since before we met (that old man must be a huge S who enjoys making people suffer I swear).

.

We were bound to see each other again. This time, it was a thousand years later and you hated me (or so you said). I took it you didn't remember and played along in our little game, even though I couldn't bring myself to hate you. I just love you too much that it started to turn into an unhealthy obsession.

Loving you hurts, not only because the only thing we are good at is throwing verbal insults (and punches and iron club at each other) but because my heart aches whenever we fight. Loving you means suffering through the pain of being forgotten. Loving you means we can't be with each other.

But even if I am given the chance to cut our red string of fate, I wouldn't.

Love blind eyes, they said.

I think I am a blind man.

And so I carry on.

.

For a long time, the only thing I could do was to watch over you.

I don't need to keep you safe, you are Hell's most feared oni, it would be absurd to think you need protection from a Heaven's creature.

I don't need to make you happy because you would only hate me more if I show my face in front of you.

I don't need to keep you company because you are not alone.

.

You hate me so much it seems. Your dislike for me is displayed openly though you never give the reason (or maybe you did but the list was too long that you don't bother).

Sometimes I think about what I can do for you. Nothing comes to my mind. It would be so much easier if you are girl. Even the toughest girl surrenders to my gallantry and charisma despite knowing I would only leave them with their heart in the dirt. In your case, you wouldn't even give me a chance to get to know you. We still see each other from time to time, giving us the chance to work together (whether because of the red string or our job's requirement, I don't know).

The thing is that you hate me no less and the wall around your heart still stand tall.

.

I think about what I find attractive about you (excluding your personality because it was too poisonous for me to stand).

You have a mouth and a face that I both love and hate.

Your mouth is small and your lips look so kissable, except for those sharp fangs that could bite my tongue off if I dare to. However, every word flows out of your mouth is poison. Over time, just when I think I am used to your snide remarks and dry wit, you still manage to push my limit and make me lose my patience in record time (seriously, how do you do it?). It frustrates me to no ends. And your face, your perfect deadpan face. I want to bash it in and take a look at your brain to see what you are thinking, what are your real thoughts about me but if I do that then you wouldn't be pretty anymore (it's not like you can die when you are already dead) and I like 'em pretty.

Is it true that the only feeling you are capable of having for me is hatred?

I want to find out.

Maybe when I finally have the answer from you, this game will come to an end and you will come back to me.

.

'Hakutaku-sama, why are you still awake? Is there something wrong?'

A hand snakes on my chest and a pretty face comes into view. Soft and supple body presses against me and I put on my usual charming smile. She is pretty, one of the prettiest girl in Hell, I won't lie and a gracious charmer. I took her home with me because she has red eyes and midnight black hair. She knows how to please and even when I know there will be a bill of half a million yen sitting on the table tomorrow, she is worth the price.

'Nothing. I just couldn't bring myself to believe that I finally get to know each other like this.'

Because I am not a pretentious bastard so I think I should make it clear. I love you but that doesn't mean I have the patience of a saint. I am a man with needs and currently in a hopeless one-side relationship. Girls are my solution and substitution for you. When having a lot of girls with curvaceous figure and beautiful face for customers everyday, it is impossible not to fall in love with them a little. Of course, that is before they open their mouth and speak (or when they resort to violence).

'Ah, Hakutaku-sama.'

So until the game is over, I will indulge myself in this fleeting warmth and pretend she is (a spiting image of the female version of) you.

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_Beautiful nightmare, my Hoozuki._

.

* * *

Another random fic which I came up with an hour before my Accounting exam. The idea just seems fitting and I just like Hakutaku too much *squeal*

I really should be studying ( no, I really don't want to).


End file.
